How to Become a Gentleman: Don’t Put Yourself First
A few weeks ago, we asked friends from Gentologie to tell us what a gentleman means to them. While one might think that it is the style of dress that makes a man a gentleman, it is rather the fact of Don’t put yourself first that wins.
Don’t put yourself first: But how?
Don’t put yourself first. Very often what we mean by this sentence is to be reserved, and not to shout from the rooftops that you are a gentleman, it is something that will be said of you. Yes, you can, of course, take photos of yourself for your social networks, but it is important to do so with some reserve and to explain why you are doing it.
It’s a pretty easy place to practise this advice we’re giving you. When attending an event, always introduce the person with you first, whether it’s a woman or a man. You are alone, the task may seem complicated. Step one: Try to track down the event host or the person who invited you, and congratulate that person on their event. Tell him (or her) why you are there, and, unfortunately, you think you don’t know anyone, the host will probably be able to introduce you to other people present.
In business, it is very similar to the previous one. On the other hand, we can add that one of a presentation, to always thank the host or the customer first as well as to introduce our colleagues before us. It’s a sign of politeness that will help you throughout your presentation, since your audience will know who does what in your team.
Here, act naturally. Your friends know you better than most people. You don’t have to show off, brag, you have nothing to gain. Make them happy and ask them what is going on in their life. You may not have seen each other in a long time, so take the opportunity to find out about their lives, their children, their work, their mental health, etc. With the pandemic, many of our friends have changed regions, have new jobs. It can be done in person, but also by zoom. Nothing complex there. Your friends may not tell you this, but they miss you. In the same vein, do not hesitate to confide in them.
It may get a little more complicated during an intimate evening or a first meeting, because we want to be interesting for the other, but at the same time not necessarily. Listening is essential, well before speaking. Pay attention to the smallest details of the conversation, what the person in front of you might say, things they like or dislike and try to find out more about them (or him) that way, without necessarily talk about you, unless the person asks you to, of course. Show your interest. Be real. Don’t do this just to make the person interested in you. You will ring false and your interlocutor will realize it more quickly than a lap in Monza.
Don’t put yourself first: But why?
While it may seem like a dichotomy not to put yourself forward as a gentleman, especially in this age of social media where many want fame, whether it’s for themselves or their business, it’s better to do things the right way and people take a cue from us when we have this restraint, rather than being overexposed and people seeing us everywhere and getting tired of us. Listening before speaking.
Here is a first piece of advice that is very simple and easy to put into practice. Find the series on this page. It will grow over time.